THE 'C' WORD

The word was out.'It was a boy!' and more importantly, it was a cesarean!.Sighs in different tones and pitches echoed from different corners of the room. People could not wait to pounce at the topic. Aunties started out with the different versions of dreadful stories of inhumanity that has spread like a virus among the gynaecologists of late.The 'C-section mania'.

The thing that i most feared had happened.They had managed to operate me!.I mean, though i silently wished for the same somewhere in my 8.5 hours of labor, I never thought they would hear my thoughts!. But how could I have helped it anyway!.Maybe i should have protested.I should have prepared my husband to never sign the surgery consent come what may.Maybe i should have eloped from the operation theatre but i couldn't, because for one moment,all that mattered to me was the safety of that little life inside me.I could hear his heartbeat dropping.They sounded like the week sobs of a newborn somehow.How could i ignore that!. 

I came out of the operation theatre numb,physically because of the anesthesia ,and mentally because somewhere inside , i felt that i had let the world down,or rather i had let myself down.I battled the disbelief that this had actually happened to me for hours in the ICU.I repeated the story to every sorry face that visited me. And again spend hours feeling sorry for myself. 

Suddenly it started feeling silly!. I am an educated 20th century female! Aint i supposed to be above such 'small thoughts' .I just gave birth to a healthy baby and instead of rejoicing it , i was stuck with a c section guilt!.What made me so miserable! I pondered and the answer was that it was a social stigma i had attached myself to. The society has made c section look like a doctor or a hospital's personal interest, and completely disregard the fact that sometimes it is the only way out!.