GLORIOUS MESS!

One thing i get asked a lot off late is 'how are you doing!'.I interpret that question in two ways depending on who is asking. People who know me well up close and personal mean 'Man!how are you holding up,hope you haven't lost it yet' and people who don't know me well enough mean 'ah! what can be different,she must be sleep deprived and fat,the usual postpartum thing!.In both of these situations, i think for a while before answering,because of two reasons:a) I don't have enough vocabulary to explain and b) because i don't want to be taken as an insane insensitive mother.I find myself at quiet a dilemma in such times and hence i gave it some thought.

Five months postpartum, i would like to describe myself as a 'Glorious Mess'. Glorious because i feel the sheer glory of having gone through the wonderful journey of pregnancy and delivery and having given life to such a wonderful bundle of love.The love i feel cannot be put in words.It is overwhelming and highly gratifying.Mess because that is the first word that i utter every time i look at myself in a mirror.Frankly,i cringe every time i look at myself.I have dark circles from not having slept more than 2 hours at a stretch since the day he was born.I have receding hairline from the heavy hair fall that doesn't let me keep the hair open at least till they dry after a hair wash.I have belly that felt like rubber for months after delivery and looks like cracked earth in drought with the zillion stretchmarks.I have arms that resemble bottle guard hanging off my body and i have flab of fat everywhere.I don't recognise this person in the mirror anymore.

The poser and selfie freak that i was, I run and hide at the longest sight of a camera focusing in my direction.I used to find my calm in adding dresses in latest trend to the 'bucket' and it has been months since i even opened a shopping app.All i check online now is deals on pumping machines,nibblers,activity centres and diapers.I do not look forward to a manicure pedicure or even threading because i know i will not feel pampered in a salon seat while all i did was praying to make it back home in time for his next feeding.Do you know a better word to describe this situation.I like to call it 'mess' or rather a 'Glorious Mess'